The Standard Glass of Water has been the Laboratory’s workhorse since our founding. Version 4 improves on its predecessor in three important ways, and regresses in one.
Improvements
- The base has been narrowed by two millimetres, which makes it more eager to leave.
- The walls are thinner, producing a higher pitched and more satisfying sound on impact.
- The water now sits at an optimal level, high enough to cause a splash and low enough that nobody is angry about the amount.
Regression
The new glass is slightly heavier, and one of our smaller associates, a kitten named Parsley, cannot push it alone. We have addressed this by teaching Parsley to enlist a friend.
Verdict
Four out of five paws. We would give five, but the glass costs more than the cat, and the cat knows it.
Technical specifications
- Capacity: 250 millilitres of water, or 190 millilitres of water plus 60 millilitres of regret.
- Height: 11 centimetres, a figure chosen for its appeal to the paw.
- Weight when full: 410 grams, which is enough to be satisfying and not enough to hurt.
- Colour: transparent, so that the water can be observed leaving.
User testimonials
“I have pushed twelve of these and not a single one has failed me.” Dumpling, Senior Associate.
“Version 3 was a little stubborn. Version 4 is a dream.” Pickle, Junior Associate.
“I do not push glasses. I merely stand near them.” Gerald, Head of Safety, who was seen pushing a glass.
Care and maintenance
Store the Standard Glass of Water on a high shelf, in the dark, away from cats. Then give up and store it wherever the cat has already decided it should be. Wash gently, dry carefully, and expect the unexpected, since the glass has a long and complicated history with the floor.
Where to buy
The Standard Glass is available from the Laboratory shop, which is a box by the door. Please leave a note and a coin. The note will be pushed.
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