Good morning, everyone. Please settle down. No, you cannot sit on the projector. Today’s lecture concerns gravity, which is a force that pulls things downward, and which we have come to rely upon for most of our professional work.
What gravity does
Gravity is the reason a glass of water, once pushed, reaches the floor. It does not need to be told twice. It does not ask whether the glass was full. It is the most reliable colleague we have ever had.
What gravity does not do
Gravity does not apply to cats on the back of a sofa, or to a cat who has decided she is a loaf. In such cases we suspend the usual rules and observe from a polite distance.
Questions
A small kitten near the front asked whether a glass could ever fall upward. I said that it could not, but that I admired the optimism.
Homework
Please push something small off something high tonight and write down how you felt. Do not tell your humans it was homework. They will not understand.
Appendix: selected questions from the floor
A tabby near the back asked what happens if the object is lighter than air. I told her we have not yet found one, but we remain open to a very small balloon.
A grey kitten asked why gravity does not simply stop when you ask it to. I said that the same applies to the dinner bell, and that this is a profound observation about reality.
Someone then asked whether the lecture was nearly over. I said that it had been, for some time, and thanked the room for staying awake. Half of it had not.
Further reading
Students are encouraged to consult the Laboratory’s leaflet series, including “Down: A Short History,” “Why Things Roll,” and the forthcoming “Edges, Fears and Hopes.” All are printed on sturdy card and are available from the front desk or the floor beneath it.
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